I was thinking about my ex Carmen lately. I know I still love her but I don’t want a relationship. I know I’ve said in the past I want her, I don’t want her, I want her again, no I don’t want her anymore. It’s confusing.
I still want to be involved with my crush Casey but I know she doesn’t want me. I have to get over her and i still have feelings for Carmen.
She has been on vacation for almost a week now and I have own thinking about us. A couple of days before she left we decided it’s better to stay just friends. I wanted this and she agreed.
But now I miss her. I miss my ex. The conversations we had, laughing and the attention. The texts and Facebook messages. I want her back. My head starts to hurt and a headache is starting to arrive. My family, friends, crush and others are not supporting me. I haven’t told anyone that I want her back, because they ate all so very happy and relieved that we broke up.
Im scares she’s going to break my heart someday, so I don’t let her in.
Today I checked my Facebook news feed and I saw a picture of carmen with some blond bimbo. I didn’t know if I was jealous or that I was shocked that she has found somebody else. I felt my heart hurt but somehow it was alright for her to meet someone else.
Carmen commented with: “I don’t want her. “
Friend of Carmen: “Why not?”
Carmen: “Because she lives in another country. She tried to kidnap me last night haha. She wanted me to go home with her.”
Carmens friend: “It could been you taking her home.”
Carmen : “Maybe tonight :)”
Carmens friend: “She really wanted you and make out.”
Carmen: “No comment ;)”
Carmen is a tomboy and from the first moment you see her you know she’s a lesbian. For me its totally different. Im a girl and everyone is always ‘shocked’ when they find out Im into girls too. So carmen is the only girl I’ve ever kissed while she get a lot of attention from her gay girls.
Im afraid I won’t find another girl. And the two girls I really want don’t want me.